Elms

All day I tried to distinguish
need from desire. Now, in the dark,
I feel only bitter sadness for us,
the builders, the planers of wood,
because I have been looking
steadily at these elms
and seen the process that creates
the writhing, stationary tree
is torment, and have understood
it will make no forms but twisted forms.

-Louise Gluck

okay, so today was so frustrating i need to do a success journal to remind myself that i don't completely fail.

1. i did not kill my cat. considering that i just threw out 200 dollars worth of food because his goofy self can't jump onto the fridge, this was a HUGE accomplishment.

2. i scrubbed off the floor. this is cleaning stage one.

3. i began defrosting the fridge. cleaning stage 2.

4. i got 3 bulk packages of lysol bleach wipes in anticipation of cleaning stage 3.

5. i changed my cell phone plan so texting freaks me out less (before i was paying about 20 cents a text)

6. i signed my MPN for my loan.

7. i got myself actual workout clothes -- this seemed like a splurge since i generally just use oversized tshirts and pajama bottoms, but it seemed like a good prize for having lost a bit of weight. i got a really cute skirt for cardio, two workout tees, and some fuschia shorts. i decided not to get everyday jean shorts since this retarded cat fiasco is making me anxious about money... >_<

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i have an assload of cleaning left, but it's all doable, as is my syllabus. i'm probably going to crash at josh's tonight, because that way i can get to school easier tomorrow (the red line is still acting funny) and can finalize it there.

boston was amazing. i'm really happy tauheed has an awesome set of friends. i'd need to spend a month to touchbase with all his friends and my old ones. the week i spent was awesome.

we went canoeing. our boat won!

we went to a fancy sushi restaurant! there were koi.

we watched tales from the city (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tales_of_the_City_(miniseries)) which means i now need to get the over movies in the series.

we had an awesome fourth, and i made irish carbomb cupcakes. we played oodles of BSG and DDR.

the only downer was coming home. tesla kicked open the fridge, so everything is pretty gross smelling. i'm headed to target now to get cleaning supplies.

If I should learn, in some quite casual way,
That you were gone, not to return again—
Read from the back-page of a paper, say,
Held by a neighbor in a subway train,
How at the corner of this avenue
And such a street (so are the papers filled)
A hurrying man—who happened to be you—
At noon to-day had happened to be killed,
I should not cry aloud—I could not cry
Aloud, or wring my hands in such a place—
I should but watch the station lights rush by
With a more careful interest on my face,
Or raise my eyes and read with greater care
Where to store furs and how to treat the hair.

Create Your Own Sea Kitten at peta.org!

"Suddenly, all I can think about are all the things I don't know about him. All the things I never had time to learn. I don't know if his feet are ticklish or how long his toes are. I don't know what nightmares he had as a child. I don't know which stars are his favorites, what shapes he sees in the clouds. I don't know what he is truly afraid of or what memories he holds closest.

"And I don't have enough time now, never enough time. I want to be in the moment with him, feel his body against mine and think of nothing else, but my mind explodes with grief for all that I am missing. All that I will miss. All that I have wasted."

--The Forest of Hands and Teeth, by Carrie Ryan

hey all --

recently i've been having a lot of problems with "spider tangles" -- those little knots that collect at the end of you hair and just... dangle. what causes them? how can i make them stop?

thanks,

mexi

Izumi Shikibu :: Haiku
Even if I now saw you
Only once,
I would long for you
Through worlds,
Worlds.

okay, so the last few days have been awesome.

FRIDAY was loving day, which commemorates the day interracial marriage was made legal on a federal level. now, keep in mind that alabama would keep its ban on IR marriage on the books til nov 2000. this is one of the reasons i have a problem w. comparing IR marriage to gay marriage.it was fun. the swirl women were hitting on my BF a lot, which sorta wigged me out. they also started talking about me in the 3rd person re: josh's future plans (like, how does SHE feel about you getting stationed out of wherever and getting deployed wherever?) which bugged me a lot. i'm a dynamic, fun, and independent person... it's very weird that when i roll into a place with my snugglebunny, i'm suddenly an accessory to a tale of military greatness. >_<

SATURDAY i went to lush w. josh. we walked around montgom. mall, where i then got a job offer for next week and the week after. i was torn because i really wanted to see tauheed and wing. they are both super awesome friends, tho, and gave me permission to ditch them for this amazing professional opportunity.

SUNDAY i prepped for the job opp. i went to target w. josh where he bought me a CD <3 so i could study at his place and also helped him pick out stuff for his new, intensive training regimen. he'll be heading to his new station in about 6 months.

MONDAY i started my new job. basically i am working with a curriculum transformation proj. and have to read articles and be brilliant. i love my life. <3